I suppose, the biggest barrier between me and honesty in my writing is fear. It sounds ridiculous, like an easy fix. However, I keep so many experiences tucked away in my “memory bank” not even allowing myself to fully access them. So, when stories begin to unfold from my thoughts I have difficulty predicting how graphic or intense they could become. Maybe that’s where this fear is born. Writing here will be the product of having thought certain things through for the very first time. I fear what words may come.
Maybe a solution would be to connect my thoughts and words more often, for a more secure sense of control. I hope that will lead to more creative freedom. All I want is to be an honest writer. I created this space for honesty and to share real experiences in vibrant color. There are countless stories I’d like to tell, all in a way that reflect the corners of my mind that they came from. So no matter how graphic or intense an experience may be, I can be completely confident in sharing what’s mine.
I’ve found that this blog of mine is more of a responsibility than I expected. I’m consumed with the need to create every post with so much care, producing a fear of judgement and hindering me from any expression at all. Like Nike says, I should “just do it”. A literary artist must become accustomed to the honest evaluation of self and experiences. Personally, the idea scares the pants right off me. Nonetheless, it’s necessary to unlock the gates of my deepest thoughts as a writer if I truly want to share.
Socrates said, “The life which is unexamined is not worth living.” Becoming a more reflective person through writing will be the key to many locked doors of my life and of those around me. To finally write about an encounter will be to have lived it and to have the ability to move past it. I need that. Let the floodgates open releasing all tales meant to be told.