Dating As a Porn Star

Dating for me is not the easiest thing in the world right now as an adult film actress. Then again, when is it ever? Besides the stigmas that come along with my job (like being quick to get in bed with or being super hungry for sex at all hours) I usually deal with the basic navigations of dating too.

I think it’s important to heed who you allow into your life, especially when dating. This is why I date with two different categories in mind: Is this guy a beneficial one or a potential partner? I know I may upset some of the men I’ve dated in the past if they’re reading this and never considered this factor during the time we were together. Nonetheless, it’s a guideline I’ve lived and dated by to protect myself as a woman in my position.

Dating a porn star is a bit like winning the lottery, great in concept, but hard to handle” – Ryan Driller

Beneficial Guys:

A beneficial man would be one who greatly enhances my life in exchange for my companionship. He would either give me great sex, access to connections I need to network in a group or be a travel companion.

There are men I’ve dated purely for the sexual interactions we have that turn out to be the only real connection between us. There are men I’ve dated who loved to bring me along at networking events and introduce me to people I should know based on my goals. I enjoy those men because they want to see me thrive as a woman, in exchange for my company. There are men I’ve dated that I would only see when it’s time to jet out to some tropical island and relax for a week under the sun.

Although that sounds like a dream way to date someone, imagine the loneliness felt when the vacation is over and you’re back in your studio apartment. This is why I also date men who could be a potential partner for me to marry in the future. I don’t see these men very often, but when I do it’s absolutely magical.

Potential Partners:

“…it takes a monumental human to be in a relationship with a porn star. The levels of understanding, patience, energy, and the complete lack of jealousy you need to possess to be with these creatures is colossal.” – Samatha Bentley

These are men who are usually in the same age group as me, who are on similar levels in life, who I could possibly bring home to mama. I’ll more than likely introduce myself to these men with my birth name. A potential partner for me is someone I envision to be my husband in the years to come. These men, I date with strategy and extreme care.

A lot of people may wonder what kind of man would accept a woman with the lifestyle I lead. I’m here to say that there aren’t many, but the ones who do (and are sincere in doing so) make life truly worth living and love worth fighting for.

 

There really is someone for everyone. The challenge is taking the steps to get aligned with the right people. I’ve been working on myself a lot lately since I’ve gotten more serious about dating. I’m trying to work inward, hoping to create outward results. I take more yoga classes during the week, study subjects I want to master through online courses and listen to inspiring audiobooks like Oprah’s What I Know For Sure. It can also be a challenge to meet new people as an introvert.

If I lock myself away too long, a stagnant circle of the same men will form in my life. I’d like to keep moving forward with each blessed day to find the piece that fits my puzzle. How frustrating is it to try and make pieces fit when they’re not mean to? So I force myself to be social in settings that interest me, and the journey continues toward my true self and the yin to that yang.

3 comments

  1. Lucky Starr · November 6

    YES! Love it! You should read mine sometime. http://www.luckystarr1.livejournal.com 💋💋💋—Lucky

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ed · November 6

    Everyone has their own personal struggles in dating and relationships, but I can’t imagine the difficulties for a celebrity. For most people, they have the benefit of some degree of anonymity as they begin to date; able to put on a mask or hide parts of themselves, maybe even lie about who they really are early on to protect themselves, to not put themselves out there too quickly. But for you, and anyone with any degree of fame, you begin a relationship having to resolve any preconceived notions about who you are as a person. You don’t have the ability to kind of reveal yourself at your own pace, and as you said, being an introvert, that’s got to make starting a relationship seem like a giant burden.

    It’s funny, but I just recently gave some dating advice to one of my former students. It’s the same thing we’ve heard since we were little and trying to make friends, then growing up and trying to find a girlfriend or boyfriend, and it was always, “Just be yourself.” It really is the most true way to meet the right person. Whatever version of that “self” is, be only that.

    I was overseas, in a cafe that was already closed, with a small group of friends and the restaurant owner was sat with us at the table dispensing drinks and conversation. I was telling him how I was longing to be back home, and start my new life with my girlfriend, and how deeply in love I was. I told him how I didn’t think twice about sharing my fears, desires, failings, bad habits, etc. because I knew they’d always be received with acceptance. He asked how I felt about her, and I told him there was nothing she could say or do that would make me stop loving her. I loved her imperfections. He then said, “True love, actual love is loving the whole tree. Not just the way the limbs stretch out into the sky, or how they cradle you if you lie in their branches. Not the way the tree’s leaves dance in the breeze or give you shade from the sun. True love comes from loving the trunk and bark, knowing what they’ve hard to fight thru and build a strong skin. It comes from loving the roots, what’s under the soil, that truly nourishes them, where they were born and how they’ve learned to grow. That is true love, and you only find that kind of love when you can expose those roots of your own.”

    I hope that you can find that someone to go on that journey of self, and that you can openly share that self. Just keep following your wants and the things that inspire you, and I’m sure that you will find that partner along the way.

    Like

  3. michaeljlando · November 13

    Anya, you continue to raise the bar whenever you write. Your ability to “paint a picture” with words and your openness about experiences make your diary posts the best read on the internet. It’s disappointing to hear about the challenges you face with dating and equally inspiring to see how your positive beliefs towards what’s possible, keep you pushing forward. Your closing passage about avoiding the same circle of men being a trap is advice so many people could stand to learn from (woman or man). People are often afraid to reach beyond what they know. I love that that is not a problem for you. I know you’ll find the right person for you when the time is right for both of you.

    Liked by 1 person

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