Porn Sex vs. Real Sex

It’s common knowledge to most people that porn sex is not the same as real sex, at all. There are very distinct differences between the two acts. From my own experience as a porn actress, these two types of intercourse can be just as different as the sun and the moon.

Porn sex is a show. Think of yourself getting it on with your lover and you look up to find one huge spotlight raised in each corner of the room, highlighting your every wrinkle and hair follicle. In porn, sex positions are chosen that cater toward the visual aesthetic of the viewer and not what feels natural or most comfortable. Most times, I’d be in positions I wouldn’t normally choose in a dim-lit bedroom; Like a reverse cowgirl with my arms pinned back or a pile driver with extended legs and pointed toes.

Those types of positions are specifically for showing off a woman’s most private regions and exposing them in high definition. Viewers like to see exposed breasts, facial expressions, and penetration all at once. So, while I’m bouncing up and down, I’d have to have my legs open as wide as possible, body tilted toward a camera and my face expressing maximum pleasure. Super realistic.

In porn, there’s an unspoken responsibility to not get lost in the act because, at the end of the day, it’s a performer’s job to sell the fantasy. Getting caught up in an intimate moment may not provide the best angling for video footage and is inconsiderate to the rest of the film crew (unless they say it’s okay). To do the job, I’d have to be mindful of where the camera is, allowing myself to open up and show every single motion.

There are times I want to simply kiss or lie back and receive the pleasure from my performing partner, but tragically I cannot. I must control my whims for the sake of the scene. I wear layers of makeup only to sweat it off and have it reapplied at least twice throughout the act. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve run to a mirror during a director’s cut to make sure my eyelashes continue to stay glued on.

You would be critical of your appearance too if you knew that during the time you’re having sex, your picture would be taken for all the world to see. You’d want to look your best, right?

There are times when my face would more than likely express exhaustion if I didn’t keep it in check. The “ooh’s” and “aahh’s” all exaggerated to provide the ultimate porn experience. The goal is for the viewer to believe the performers are having the best time; Like a waitress greeting a table at a restaurant with a happy smile, even if she’s having a shitty day.

Sometimes I’m paired with someone I may have a slight connection with and the chemistry shows on camera. Sometimes the act is routine; Nevertheless, the company gets a sex scene for their website despite the possibility that the performers may not have been the best match. When you’re a professional and a great actress, you get the job done either way.

Porn sex is more mindful than real sex since you’re constantly looking to position yourself correctly, hold yourself propped up in one position for long periods of time without cramping up, or watching for the director’s signal to switch to a new position.

Many times there’s not a lot of foreplay before getting into the actual rendezvous, which takes away from the intimacy aspect of intercourse itself. It’s “Hi, I’m Anya. What are your preferences? Is there anything you don’t like? Great. Ok. Let’s roll.”

You’ve got to be bold and almost animalistic in your approach to sex in porn. It takes a special kind of person to be comfortable enough to openly tangle in front of a director, a sound guy, a makeup artist, and an assistant; Especially, one willing to receive unrealistic eruptions on different parts of her body for entertainment, (a pop shot).

I remember my first facial. Not the kind you get at a spa, but the kind where a man dispenses his orgasm onto someone’s face. I was instructed to receive it without flinching and smile as if ice cream had started raining from the ceiling on a hot summer day; Leaving it on my face for the director to get a great close up.

In real life, I’d never allowed a man to dump his load onto my face and eyes for the heck of it. I wouldn’t even let a man dispose of anything on me as if I am someone associated with human disposal. That’s just me. I didn’t even know that action existed until I entered into the porn industry.

In a real sexual setting, my partner would wear a condom and finish into it, or he’d finish somewhere else, but not on me. Before having real sex, foreplay is the main antagonizer of the whole experience. The kissing, touching, fondling, exploring different parts of the body before breaking down that wall is just as exciting.

There’s a total disregard for anyone else around during real sex. There’s no one watching so you can close your eyes if you so dare. You can kiss for long periods of time without a director yelling “Open up for us, please”. You can choose whether or not you want the lights on.

Having real sex means sweating without the concern of touching up makeup. You can take your time in any position you want. If you “open up” it would be for your partner and not anyone else, exposing breasts and sharing facial expressions to that person alone.

There’s less intimidation since there’s only one (or two, or three) person you need to impress. The flow is more organic leaving room for a more realistic completion. In porn, an actor is expected to hold his eruption until the director requests it. Even then, he must have a routine that works for him to be able to provide an explosion on cue. It’s pure talent and nothing like I’ve ever seen before.

After having real sex, a man has the option of finishing or not. Sometimes you just want to enjoy the feeling, then take a break and maybe cuddle naked together in each other’s embrace. That’s not an option for the people who provide your on-screen entertainment.

In porn, our bodies can be close, but not so close as to cover what viewers want to see. Sometimes performers will meet up after shooting a scene together to have sex again off camera just to have the experience they were missing. To be a porn actor means to sacrifice certain intimacies to create the sought-after illusion.

I prefer real sex over porn sex when it comes to having sex overall, yet I’m grateful to know how to do both and separate the two. I’ve been a performer my entire life, so the job is not difficult for me. I do, however, appreciate a sexual partner who does not require a performance behind closed doors. It’s so much more romantic.

Real sex allows heaving breathing without exaggerated or unnecessary exclamations. A simple “Oh yes.” or “Just like that” will do. It means connection; a total disregard for anyone else in the room, let alone the world. It’s a passionate dance in the heat of a moment in time; not planned for a stage with spotlights and an audience, where the audience then feels compelled to dissect and criticize your encounter.

People mention all the time how inexperienced viewers shouldn’t take to porn to learn about sex. Although I agree, I don’t know where else you can actually view sex unless you happen to walk in on two people accidentally.

Porn is made for viewers to see different forms of sexual acts, and sex education is its own category. It’s the responsibility of the more experienced adult to share accurate information, separating the realities of intercourse from a circus act such as porn.

Pornography is one of the hottest commodities in the world and does not seem to be going away anytime soon. So my wish is to create a harmonious environment for all to understand the complexities of human sexuality. My desire is for everyone to know and be sure of the fact that porn is entertainment, like a WWF match. All the while, real intercourse is beautifully spontaneous and unscripted, like a street fight.

4 comments

  1. drorlof · December 5

    Excellent

    Like

  2. michaeljlando · December 5

    This was a captivating read, but all of your posts are, so I shouldn’t say that as if this was some sort of surprise. But this was probably the most insightful explanation I’ve ever read on the differences between porn sex and real sex. I’ve seen HBO documentaries and read interviews but your personal perspective is more engaging than the short quotes in magazines or quick clips on TV. Nuances about make-up and initial meetings with another performer are something you don’t see covered in other mediums.

    Your performances have always had a sort of elegance to it which always stood out! Which is what I love about you. The clarity of boundaries in your personal life vs. your career is fascinating and continues to show that your level of elegance and focus extends beyond the screen. I can’t lie though, I was surprised that the position you handle better than anyone I’ve ever seen–reverse cowgirl (with the signature butterfly motion of your legs)–is not some something you prefer in your personal life. I was like damn, I would have never guessed that. But I get it, onscreen positions are not as natural as they seem.

    I love how you closed by pointing out the paradox of telling people porn isn’t where you should learn how to have sex and how helpful porn is in showing you what it looks like (sort of). I feel like I get an education everytime I visit your page. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anya Ivy · December 5

      Thank you so much for this wonderful feedback and including so much detail! I appreciate every word.

      Like

  3. Ted · December 8

    A very interesting and forthright commentary answering questions that many of us have thought about in regards to performing. I enjoyed your take on sex, I thought it was interesting that you would do things on camera that you would never consider doing with your partner. Very unique. All the best to you lovely lady.

    Like

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